John has just asked me to ‘phone man’ it might sound a reasonable enough request apart from the late hour, however there are a few ‘Man’ to chose from……
1. The ‘Bridge’ Man who is one of the most important of all….he tells us if the Dock Bridges are going up to allow a ship through. This is John’s most favourite activity, I fear he may slap himself into a coma every time the bridge goes up.
2. The ‘Oi Oi Ig’ Bridge Man who swings the Oi Oi Ig Bridge when when we go on John’s annual holiday to Wales. By the way Oi Oi Ig is John speak for Caernarvon…I know….It’s not even close! ….and it took us months to work out what he meant.
3. The Miserable Man In The Electrical Shop…. Oh please god no….see previous posts!
4. The ‘Chippee’ Man who we ring up on a Saturday evening to order John’s ‘treat’ a takeaway supper of ‘Biiig Sossy wice and Ships’
5. The ‘Yellow Train’ Man who we can’t ring up because…a) We don’t have his number…. because ….b) it’s Richard Branson
The ‘Yellow Train’ is a Virgin Train which is actually red with a yellow front. John loves sitting on Lime St station and watching them come and go. Even better he gets to go on one once a month. An added bonus is that it goes over the Runcorn Bridge! … are you getting the bridge theme here?
I ran through all the possible ‘Mans’ to see who it was John wanted me to ring:
Me…’Do you mean the Bridge Man ?
Me…’Oi Oi Ig Bridge Man?’
John, louder…’No! Man!’
Me fingers crossed….’Miserable Man?’
John, poking his tongue out of the side of his mouth…’NO…MAN’
Me through gritted teeth…’Which Man John, it can’t be the ‘Chippy Man’ its only Friday and anyway you’ve already had your tea!’
John now getting dramatic, eyes rolling and making his new ‘Chewbacca’ noise
‘Maaauuun! Mum! Now. Please ok!’
Oh dear god it had to be ‘The Yellow Train Man’…..
Me… ‘Yellow Tra..’ before I got to the end of the question John was on it.
John…’Yes! Yellow Train Man! Yessss!’ followed by much head slapping and yahooing.
So dear friends if any of you have Richard Bransons phone number I would be most obliged…. and I promise not to ring him until the morning!