This weekend John became obsessed with the ‘Now That’s What I Call Music 53’ cd after finding samples of it on YouTube……at 6.30 a.m on Saturday morning!
Needless to say I didn’t share his enthusiasm.
He was up, dressed, clothes on back to front and doing his recently perfected Chewbacca noise every time he found a track he liked. Then he charged into my room and pulled the quilt off me. After a fruitless game of tug of war in which the team with the mighty Chewbacca on their side won, I tried reasoning with him to go back to bed for a couple of hours.
Me…‘Please John you can have a big slice of cake if you go back to bed now.’ (Don’t tell his dad that’s how I bribe him!)
John…‘Thitheethee mum, please OK!’
Me… ‘What the hell is thitheethee?’
John…’Thitheethee OK’ explained John followed by an ensemble of head slaps, feet drumming and ‘yeehaaas’ and then because he never forgets…’Cake Now Ok!’
Me …‘No deal John, you haven’t gone back to bed so no cake.’
John…‘Aaahaaa Thitheethee! Cake!, Bridges!’ he cried, trying out some new bartering skills, then he jumped on me hooting, giggling and licking my face. Eiw.
I gave up, went down stairs made a cup of tea for myself and cut a small slice of cake for John who was back on the computer and eager to explain about Thitheethee. Once I had established what it was, John made it clear that this was the cd we would be hunting down today. It was recorded in 2002 so where would we find it? ‘Smelly shop’ said John helpfully. What is the likelihood of the charity shops having that particular one! A feeling of impending doom settled over me, it was going to be a long and smelly day.
As I parked the car tat the station the barriers were flashing so we had to hurry, I turned awkwardly and felt a muscle go in my thigh. Gosh it was painful, I hobbled around but couldn’t put my weight on it. After much hooting from John who thought I was inventing a new game, I managed to hop and bob onto the platform. We missed the train but there would be others and John was happy watching the barrier. Once on the train John could hardly hold it together. ‘Thitheethee’ he shouted at everyone who was getting on the train. He sat himself down and bounced like Tigger until the doors closed.
A very small man in a David Attenborough safari suit was sitting across the way from us and it was clear from his body language that he was uncomfortable with John. Fair enough, not everyone finds it easy to be around people with special needs. He got up and moved to the other end of the carriage. ‘Man’ shouted John, pointing at him. I explained that the man needed another seat as he had a sore back. Before I could stop him John was up, skipping down the carriage until he found the man.‘Man ‘ere’ shouted John waving and pointing as if he was a member of a mountain rescue team and had just located a frozen body.
I tried to get to John before the inevitable happened but my leg was too painful to move quickly. Too late, John had plonked himself right next to the man and moaned loudly like Chewbacca down his ear. The man wasn’t amused and was even more uncomfortable than before. I dragged myself and my leg up to where they were, smiled weekly and mouthed ‘sorry’, I couldn’t speak for the pain.
Chewbacca thought it was time to make small talk with this David Attenborough chappy, so he lent against him and shouted ‘Smelly shop, Thitheethee’ explaining where we were going and why. Sir David just looked ahead and didn’t flinch, just like when he was with the gorillas in the rain forest. Chewbacca bounced and groaned with delight, he had a new friend. His new friend however wasn’t much of a conversationalist and just sat motionless not making eye contact.
I tried to offer an apology to Sir David but before I could say anything the train came to a sudden stop and I fell in a heap on top of John. Sir David seized his opportunity to escape and legged it off the train. So kind of him to help me up, that’s the last time I watch Life On Earth. Recovering my composure and hobbling as best I could, Chewbacca and Quasimodo headed off into West Kirby.
First stop the balloon shop for a Congratulations balloon, because as John pointed out, it has stars on it. Of course….silly me, but he refused to carry it, preferring instead to leave his hands free for head slapping and crotch grabbing….his own not anyone else’s I hasten to add.
We then searched every smelly shop for the ‘Now 53 CD’ but came away with only a ‘Frosty The Snowman compilation’ and a ‘Celtic Christmas’ with bagpipes, fiddles and drums. Can’t wait to hear that one…not!
Chewbacca was not happy, boy can he moan.
By now my leg had gone dead and I kept having to lift it with my hands whilst holding the balloon in my teeth, Chewbacca carried on wailing ‘Thitheetheeeee, Thitheetheeeee’ and waving his arms about dramatically.
I suggested, through clenched teeth, remember I’ve got the balloon between them, that we try the not so smelly shops in Hoylake and if they didn’t have the CD we could look on ebay…they have everything and there is definitely no funny smell. Chewbacca cheered up immediately and did his best to drag me and my deceased leg back to the train; completely ignoring the electrical shop and the miserable man who was standing just inside the door. I waggled the balloon at him to let him know he was safe; we wouldn’t be paying him a visit. He actually smiled, probably more with relief than anything else.
Chewbacca, Quasi and the balloon made our way back to Hoylake and the search got under way. Nothing in the first three shops, John showed his disgust by yelling random words ‘Leg. Bag. Christmas tree’ and poking his tongue out. John barged into the last shop, shouted ‘Thitheethee smelly shop yesss’ and let the door go. I got stuck half in and half out. I put the balloon back in between my teeth and carried my leg into the shop, rigor mortis having already set in.
I stood on the leg that still breathed, leaning on the counter for support and commenced rubbing the stiff one. John meanwhile found not one but a whole row of ‘NOW CD’S’ from all different years and was holding them in the air shouting ‘Yesss Yesss NOW CD mum OK!’ Thitheethee was among them as was Fortheefor so he took that one two….I mean too.
My purse was in the backpack, the balloon between my teeth and my left leg was in both of my hands. I had run out of body parts to retrieve the purse so I gestured to John by jerking my head and said ‘pleath couth you thake the purth outh of the gag’ ‘No! Please! Sainsburys!’ replied John helpfully. I tried to spit the balloon out but it refused and I spat on the counter by mistake. The young lady standing behind it looked rattled ‘Pleath the purth’ I begged of her, ‘I garnt reath’ I couldn’t let the leg go so I was stuck bent over the counter.
John, pretending he couldn’t see me, was kneeling on the floor surrounded by NOW CD’s holding each one up in turn and then Yahooing.
The young girl took out the purse and bent down to my eye level ‘Have you passed something?’ she asked sweetly. What! I looked at her blankly so she asked again ‘What did you pass?’ then it hit me, maybe she thinks I’ve just passed a kidney stone. After all I am in obvious pain and standing in a very odd position. I had visions of her dialling for an ambulance so I said ‘No Ith noth a githney thone, iths my thigh muthle, I culled it gefore’ baring my teeth in a grin as the balloon still refused to move.
She pointed to the big Congratulations balloon and said ‘Oh! I thought maybe you had passed your driving test or something.’
‘Now That’s What I Call Embarrassing’