This weekend John should have been staying with his dad; however due to his boiler giving up the ghost last night and there being no heating or hot water until next week, his dad rang this morning to ask if I would mind having him for the rest of the weekend. John that is not his dad.
Me, mind having John, you have got to be kidding!
The sun came out, the air was filled with birdsong and somewhere in the background a piano could be heard playing Claire de lune. OK well maybe not but if this was Hollywood all that would be going on whilst Bambi and Thumper frolicked in my flower beds.
That is how happy I felt at having John home.
John however couldn’t quite work out what was going on, he sat in his dads car with suspicion written all over his face. Alterations to his routine can be stressful for him. I dashed out arms flung wide in welcome….’Joooohnnnnyyyy boy’ I squealed a little too loudly. John pressed the magic door lock so this mad woman couldn’t open the door. His dad was silently unpacking everything and leaving boxes and bags all over the hallway ready for me to trip over them. What is it about men when they unpack cars!
‘C’mon John lets get you inside in the warm’ I coaxed. John shook his head and shouted through the firmly closed window ‘Ospity?’ Obviously wanting to make quite sure we weren’t tricking him into going to hospital…I have no idea why, it’s not something we have ever done before but I guess John wasn’t going to chance it.
‘Nooo’ I joshed loudly ‘No hospital John, you are staying with mum because dad’s house is cold and theres no hot water for your bath.’ …’Dennis?’ enquired John his voice muffled through the window, then he opened his mouth wide to show me his lovely white teeth. ‘No dentist John, just a lovely day with me’ I pointed at the door lock ‘C’mon now unlock the door theres a good lad’ I was starting to shiver in the cold air.
John stared at me and then nodded slowly to let me know he believed me that there was no tricks up my sleeve…. ‘Zoo? Giaff?’ he muffled. ‘What! No John’ I bellowed back ‘No zoo or giraffes’ adding ‘Why zoo and giraffes John?’ He’s not that interested in zoos, he only wanted to ride on the Monorail, totally ignoring the animals.
He wasn’t making much sense to me now that the Zoo and Giraffe scenario had entered our conversation.
Conversations with John often don’t make much sense even though he obviously knows exactly what he means.
‘Zoo, Yes!’ shouted John bobbing up and down in his seat before licking the window. ‘ZOO NOW MUM PEASE’ he added in case I hadn’t quite caught it the first time.
‘No way, no zoo and no giraffe, now just get out of the car and please and stop licking yours dads window’ I shouted through cupped hands. I couldnt resist a secret smirk knowing how particular his dad is about the car and how difficult licks are to remove.
‘No out. JohnElmo, ZOO peas mum’
What the **** suddenly I am in the middle of a ‘Sit In’ protest.
I shouted his dad to get John out of the car, he was standing in the porch seemingly oblivious to our shouted conversation, he looked miserable, hunched and cold…..he reminded me of someone…..no! surely not….there can’t be room for two miserable men in this blog.
He tried to open the car door not realising John had locked it from the inside, gesturing for him to open it without success…. ‘Zoo!’ replied John. His dad turned to me ” he wants to go to the Zoo, what did you have planned?’ he mumbled unhelpfully.
‘Not the feckin’ zoo thats for sure’ I replied….’Its too cold even for the bloody penguins. And anyway where the hell has ‘Zoo’ come from? Did you mention it to him this morning FFS?’
‘As if’ replied his dad looking at me as if I was mad, which at this moment I probably was.
What had started out as the promise of bonus time with John had turned into a lesson of how not to negotiate with a squatter in a Renault Megane.
‘Please open the bloody door with the electronic bloody door key’ I asked miserable man No2.
John decided that he was bored of the negotiation game and jumped out of the car as soon as his dad opened it. He skipped and slapped his way into the house shouting ‘Aaaahaaaaaa’ and giggling helplessly.
Regretting my earlier impatience with John’s dad I took him inside to thaw him out with a hot shower and a steaming mug of coffee.
If anyone can explain what all that ‘Zoo’ stuff was about I would be very grateful.