MADONNA AND A SET OF FALSE TEETH

I was expecting a weekend full of S boat talk when I picked John up, but I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Instead John was was listening intently to music through his head phones and humming a strange tune in a staccato kind of way, while flinging his arms about like a helicopter. This made hugging him hello a bit tricky. “Si a po” shouted John freezing with his arms in the air before continuing his semaphore like moves.
Bobbing and weaving to avoid his flailing limbs I hugged and kissed him, “Hi John…ouch, what song are you singing and what’s …hey….what’s with all the …ouch….arm waving stuff”. I ducked out of the way and retreated to safety. “Vo” he shouted again “Si a po” standing still with his hands on his head.

Who’s Vo I asked side stepping John’s left arm, presuming he or she must be a new staff member I was yet to meet. “Monna Vo” squealed John nodding and pointing to his earphones.
Finally after several more arm rotations and strange sounds, he put his radio cassette down and hugged me like a grizzly bear hugging a long lost cub. He blew a wonderfully wet raspberry on my cheek and yelled “Vo” down my ear before putting me down and collapsing in giggles.

Once in the car John busied himself rifling through the cd’s until he found the one he wanted. He cranked up the volume and Madonna blasted out, accompanied by John who Shouted “Vo Vo Vo” incase I hadn’t recognised the track ‘Vogue’. Aha! so that was what he’d been singing, “Strike a pose “. All the arm waving had been him Vogueing! He had obviously been watching YouTube.

John and Madonna managed to sing in perfect time with eachother all the way home, I presumed John had agreed to be the one to do the actions as he continually bonked me on the head with his right elbow for the twenty minutes it took us to get back home……cheers for that John.

For the rest of the evening the newly formed duo sang happily together but a bit too loud for a healthy relationship with the neighbours. They seemed very keen on just singing the one song though, which after three hours was beginning to grate on my nerves. Johns rapping left a lot to be desired as he only pronounces the first couple of letters of each word and syllable. It sounded hilarious which more than made up for the fraying of my nerves.
Altogether now…….

“Gre a Ga o and Mo o
Dei i a Di Ma i o
Mar o Ba o, Ji y Dea
O co e o a ma a een”

What a star my gorgeous boy is….X Factor look out!

On Saturday John wanted to take Madonna to Heswall to show her the ‘Windmill’ and so the three of us set off singing at the tops of our voices. Once again John did the movements so by the time we arrived at the windmill I had a cauliflower ear.
I decided it was time to show John the proper moves to Vogue and we spent a wonderful half hour in the Harvest Mouse car park Vogueing and singing without a care in the world. I think the diners in the pub’s restaurant enjoyed it too but I couldn’t swear to it.

Exhausted and hysterical we got back in the car to cool off and get our breath back, Madonn’s not as fit as she makes out either!
We wound our windows down to let some air in and some noise out. John and Madonna were now singing ‘La Isla Bonita’ you know, the one where she sings about the girl with eyes like potatoes. If you don’t believe me listen to the first verse!

Anyway I digress. As we sat and cooled down I spotted a tall, elderly and rather tipsy gentleman walking across the car park, surely he wasn’t going to get into a car. He did, into a dirty tatty old Volvo parked right next to us. On closer inspection he was also a bit grubby looking with unrecognisable stains down his shirt. Eiw Eiw.
He left the car door open as he tried to get behind the wheel, but he kept falling sideways onto the passenger seat. Swearing and belching he eventually got himself upright. John was staring at him, eyes wide and he pointed, unnecessarily I thought, before saying “Man” and giggling loudly.
“Dirty old man” I said under my breath so that neither he nor John would hear….forgetting that John has the hearing of a bat.

As we watched, the man suddenly opened his mouth and took out his false teeth. Now John has never seen false teeth in his life and he looked both horrified and amused at the same time. Then just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse the drunken old man started to lick the false teeth clean….I kid you not. It was disgusting, however John thought it was fabulous. “Tee mummy!” he yelled, signing for me to look at this marvellous scene unfolding before us and trying to take his own teeth out. First his top teeth and when they wouldn’t budge he had a go at his bottom ones. He looked disappointed when they too stayed firmly embedded in his gums.
“I know John, it’s disgusting, leave your teeth alone they won’t come out, stop staring its horrible, ugh! the dirty old man” I realised too late that I was babbling.

John leant out of the car window to get a closer look, “Dir y o ma ” he yelled at the top of his voice, adding ” Si a po”.

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2 thoughts on “MADONNA AND A SET OF FALSE TEETH

  1. Hilarious!
    I think when Shakespeare said – If music be the food of love, play on,
    Give me excess of it; that surfeiting,
    The appetite may sicken, and so die.”
    ― William Shakespeare, Twelfth Night……..
    Madonna and Vogue, where not really what he had in mind, but I think it’s a great way for John to express and have some fun

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