KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON BEING JOHN

Due to unforeseen circumstances I have been unable to commit to my blog for quite a few weeks.
This doesn’t mean that life with John has also been put on hold though, oh no, quite the contrary. John has been going about his life with his usual enthusiasm and with complete disinterest in the chaos surrounding his beleaguered mum. And that is exactly how it should be, life for John carries on regardless and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

‘ BANG NIGHT’ , or Bonfire Night as we know it, is a big event in John’s social calendar. We always have a party, invite lots of friends and family and generally terrorise our very patient neighbours. Year on year the display gets bigger and louder, the guest lists gets longer and John eats more sausages than the previous year.
The weekend before, John was wandering in and out of the ‘smelly’ shops looking for cd’s and shouting ‘”BANG”very loudly to no one in particular, followed by “SMELLY SHOES” equally loudly. I followed up the rear explaining that he was excited about his firework party, and apologising to the elderly ladies behind the counters who were showing signs of shock from the first ‘BANG’. I thought it best to ignore his ‘Smelly shoes’ comment.

Normally I roast a huge piece of pork, cook lots of sausages and burgers and serve them with roasted root vegetables, potato wedges and baked potatoes with garlic and herb butter. Good old fashioned ‘Bonny night grub’. However this means that I spend most of the evening with my head in the oven, sweating like a glass blowers bum.
So this year I thought ‘Sod it’!
The day before the party I cooked enough Beef hot pot to feed a small country. James & Adam cooked a delicious Chilli, I threw in some rice and crusty bread and filled my glass with Merlot. Job done and not a glass blowers bottom in sight.
I had cooked sausages and burgers for John, baked beans and the crusty bread which he loves.

John always watches the fireworks from his bedroom window with his camcorder at the ready and a collection of hostages, sorry, friends, that he entices up to his room. This year he kept a very tight grip on Dale and Rach just incase they tried to slope off to replenish their plates or glasses. In return for their company he covered them in cheek licks, tomato sauce, bits of sausage and congealed baked beans. He is good like that. He also managed to pickpocket 3 iPhones from their unsuspecting owners on which he was listening to R&B, Dance, and Rap all at the same time.
It was all going so well, the fireworks were about to start and everyone was full of food and a bit tipsy.

John wandered down to see where the sausages where, took one look at the hot dishes of ‘sloppy Foo’ as he calls anything in a casserole dish, and shouted ‘Mo sossys, please mum, mo sossys, now please’
‘There aren’t any more John, you have already eaten five for god sake,’ I said opening my arms to show him I wasn’t hiding any about my person. ‘The bangs are about to start so get your camcorder ready’
‘Mo sossys yes! Johnelmo sossys please, yes, ok!’ He retorted.
“John five is quite enough” I replied “plus you have had a burger, beans and lots of crusty bread. Now its time for bangs.”
John obviously convinced that I was hiding his beloved sausages stomped off upstairs to tell Dale and Rach how mean I was.

The fireworks were spectacular, everyone had a great time and John who had been looking forward to the evening for months, spent the entire time on the computer on the other side of the house looking at pictures of the ‘S’ Boat.
Clearly the only bangers he was interested in this year were of the pork variety.

Last Saturday John and I were doing our usual round of visits to his favourite places. It was very cold but John insisted on having the car window down so he could hear the noise of the tyres on the road. This is a new thing and it makes him laugh uncontrollably. John’s laugh is infectious and I found myself laughing too, inspite of losing the tip of my nose to frostbite.
What a strange sight we must have looked, windows down, INXS blasting out and the two of us falling about in hysterics.
John likes to look at the “lampos” in the ‘Big Debris’ or big Sainsbury’s as it is more usually known. I always pop in to get him a treat and he gets his fix of his beloved lampposts .
As soon as you get out of your car in Sainsbury’s car park you are set upon by a gang of Eastern European blokes wanting to wash your car for £50 and to marry your sister. At least I think that’s what they say, I am never quite sure. I always politely refuse and tell them I am an only child.
I was only inside the store for about 5 minutes but in that short time mayhem had ensued. As I approached the car I could see it was covered in soap suds and Albanians.
The gang must have noticed the open window of opportunity, asked John if he wanted the car washed and John being John said ‘yes’ one of the few words that he says absolutely clearly.
£50 and two sisters later I got my car back.

Advertisements

13 thoughts on “KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON BEING JOHN

  1. Thank you for not mentioning gloppy rice and bad friend!! Funny always. John is so lucky to have you as a mum and your friends and family are fantastic x x

  2. Fantastic post. It’s all in the title -Being John! The way you describe his outlook on life and his perception of things is wonderful. Thankfully for all of us following the blogg, there is never a dull moment. John is a star and your mum and son relationship is wonderful. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s